Charlie Mike The Podcast
Charlie Mike The Podcast
Transformative Tales of Triumph and Redemption
Jonathan shares his powerful journey of overcoming addiction and trauma as a veteran, illustrating the importance of vulnerability, resilience, and community in recovery. You'll be drawn into his story of loss, struggle, and ultimately, triumph, as he transforms his life and seeks to inspire others facing similar challenges.
• Growing up in a military family
• Coping with the loss of a loved one
• Early struggles with addiction
• Joining the military and facing challenges
• Overcoming addiction through therapy
• The journey to sobriety and rebuilding relationships
• Transitioning to civilian life and entrepreneurship
• The impact of mentorship and support in recovery
• The importance of sharing one’s story in helping others
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Pearland Podcast Studio
Veteran Owned & Operated
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This is Charlie Mike the podcast Veterans helping veterans. Talking about things happening in the veteran community, Things we've experienced and overcome, such as addictions, PTSD, depression, legal trouble, and we also promote veteran-owned businesses. If you're talking about it, we're talking about it. This is Charlie Mike the podcast.
Speaker 2:Yo, what's going on everybody? Welcome back to another episode of Charlie Mike the podcast. As always, I'm your host, Raul man. Hey, I've been having a hope everyone's Christmas went well. You know, I'm excited to bring a new guest and continue to share the the mission of charlie mike. Continue the mission, man. Today I have a very special guest. That you know, man. Okay, so the way we met was kind of weird. He's uh, I heard him. He cracked a joke at a family event. I was like, hold up, that sounds like my people over there. So we talked and, man, we got to talk in a little bit. Introduce yourself.
Speaker 4:Hi everyone. Just like Charlie and Mike said, hey, I hope everyone's Christmas is going great. Hope the family's doing well. It's been an awesome trip here meeting the in-laws. Ran into this guy right here who's awesome already. I'm sure y'all already know, but it's my first podcast, so just work with me. You know what I mean Ever.
Speaker 2:Ever oh dang Never done one, bro, never, never, just work with me, you know what.
Speaker 3:I mean Ever.
Speaker 4:Ever, oh dang, never done one, bro, never, never done one. If I had a dollar for every time. Someone told me to get on and tell your story right, and I believe this is subliminal to him. You know what I'm saying. I believe he put you in my path, man. I believe it too, because if I, man, I'm telling you, if I had a dollar for every time, yeah. You know what I'm saying. So here I am. You know, here I am.
Speaker 2:So let's start off a little bit. Man, when are you from?
Speaker 4:So I'm born in DC in 81., single mom, single parent, whatever. She met my stepdad at the Pentagon one day, man, and they hit it off, got married. He PCS'd, pcs'd military change of station to Fort McClellan Alabama.
Speaker 2:Wait, your mom was military too.
Speaker 4:She was government. Okay, okay, okay, she worked government on the civilian side of the. Pentagon. He was in uniform. Okay, okay okay, so they linked up whatever got married PCS'd, he PC, he pcs. She followed along to fort mcclellan, alabama. Uh, they both retired at fort mcclellan. Uh, I can't remember here, but I was about eight, yeah, so up until eight I was in dc and then dc to alabama you remember dc do I remember? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been coming out there, man, yeah that's what's up.
Speaker 2:That's on my list. Man DC is definitely on my list. I ain't quite made it out that way.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but I want to go. It's nice, it's nice, it's nice, it's fast. You know what I'm saying? The people is a little different. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's a southern thing. You already know that's the southern thing we don't have that. Yeah, take me home bro yeah, so alabama, you, you living in alabama yep, yeah, whole life.
Speaker 4:And then uh graduated high school.
Speaker 4:There 99, uh lost my mom man when I was about my mom man, when I was about let's see, oh, let's see 99, oh, over 2000, 2001, I was about 20. Uh, but I was her hospice man in high school, my senior year. I didn't tell anybody, bro, that she was dying of cancer, you know what I'm saying. So I was her hospice for like a year. Um, because of the medical treatment that was retired. It wasn't covering everything, you know what I'm saying. So he had to go back over the road to the truck driver to pick up the extra insurance, okay, and I was the only kid that could stay back. You know what I'm saying. So that's mom. You know what I'm saying. I was my best friend, of course. So that means say less, of course I do it.
Speaker 4:So I turned into of like 18, 17 man, uh, just full-time hospice bro for my mom, uh. So, uh, you got brothers and sisters. Yes, I got a younger sister, an older sister, she passed an older brother, passed an older brother that's in still in va. And then, uh, I got some, some, some branch offs up in Virginia. Dad was a little, you know what I mean. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, several hats. They did it different back then.
Speaker 2:I'm in the same situation. I'll tell you a funny story, man. I was in Iraq, one of my tours man and I had this girl reach out to me on. It was MySpace back then on Facebook?
Speaker 2:I don't remember but she said, hey, I to me on uh, it was myspace back on facebook, I don't remember. But she said, hey, uh, hey, I, I've been looking for this guy named carlos that's my brother's name, yeah, and he's got a brother named raul. Uh, you know, are you him? And I was like, well, I do got a brother named carlos. So I I text, I, uh, you know, got in, got contact with my brother. I told my brother I say, hey, man, I think you owe some czech child support. Dude, she, she's looking for you. So I told him and then come down. Many years after that it turns out that she's my half sister. So my dad was the same way.
Speaker 4:Yeah, they were cut different back then. Yep man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So, alabama, you were taking care of your mother until she passed, right? Yeah, man, so damn. I couldn't imagine that. As far as witnessing that from healthy to cancer yeah, it's another thing. What brought you, what made you want to join the military? How did all that begin? Was that always an option.
Speaker 4:It was always growing up in the military home. You know it's one of those. Either you're just straight against it or what was your step day? Uh 11, bravo, oh, he was army. Yeah, yeah, get the out of here, yeah yeah okay, two vietnam tours. He was a hard ass, bro, damn yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah he did 24, his brother did 26, I think, retired star major uh.
Speaker 4:So uh, he never really pushed it on me. I just remember as a kid like he was a. He was a senior drill instructor at Fort McClellan, straight up. So I remember as a kid being outside and he'll run the platoon by calling cadence. You know what? I'm saying he used to just fire the hell out of me, I believe it man, oh yeah.
Speaker 4:So even as a kid I was Cadence and stuff like that. But like when mom passed, like the hard part of him that you know made me a man. It kind of folded me after she passed because there was no love. You know what I'm saying. Like I was a few, I was like an hour and a half late and the only thing that I got from him was if you were here on time, you'd see the past. That was it. I left when I was like I had like I called pop and he was like after she passed I wanted to go to a uh, the movies with my girlfriend and he was in Birmingham.
Speaker 4:He was like no, I'm like no, and he was like yeah no man and I said huh, and I never really talked back to my parents and he said you heard what I said. No, you know what I'm saying. I said but, dad, I'm going anyway Leave, don't come back. I never came back. Oh shit, you know, one of his things was you know, there's only one room in one house for one man. See, I didn't understand what he was doing, you know. So I left. I had like 60 bucks in my name. Left never looked back and never had any support either, man, you know, like with my mom.
Speaker 4:So, fast forward, my buddies and stuff. You know they were messing around with drugs and alcohol, what have you? And I'm dealing with this stuff on the inside, you know, but with a smile on my face, as always. And, um, man, one day it was, it was, it was. Can I say what it was? Yeah, you say what you're actually man, it was x, yeah, yeah, and uh, man, you know, man, bro, because I was down and out, they could, they could tell it was, you know, and say all it does is kind of release the endorphins, make you feel good. I don't know, not there.
Speaker 4:No, no, no, no, no, no. But one day I did and, bro, it was just a weight off. It just unlocked those doors and it let me talk and it let me cry and it let me laugh. It was just everything all in one. And uh, I remember, uh, telling people that I, I really didn't consider the drug you know what I'm saying because I labeled drugs as going out, stealing, robbing. You know what I'm saying. I would just, I take it and just talk to people, just get it off, get it off, get it off. And uh, and it, uh, it was, I'm not gonna lie man, it was, it was the biggest stress relief at the time. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, um, and uh, of course, that that rolled into the alcohol. You know what I'm saying, and stuff like that. And you know, they say that marijuana is a gateway. We were like, yeah, it is, yeah, it really is.
Speaker 2:It was the the big difference between, uh, the, the x and the alcohol they have different effects on on the mind of course uh, one, you know they use one for counseling, uh, ecstasy and in shrooms, right.
Speaker 2:And there's a couple of veteran organizations now, man, that are using shrooms, uh, for therapeutic purposes, where they take you because it's not, it's not legal here in the united states to take it for that reason, but they take you because it's not it's not legal here in the united states to take it for that reason, but they take you overseas into, like a, uh, you get a sherpa and a sherman and they give you, um, that I, I, I don't want to say I'm, I'm naming it, uh, shroom type cocktail and you experience the whole cocktail and you experience the whole inner, outer body experience.
Speaker 2:And, bro, I, I've known veterans that have sworn by it, really that have sworn by it, say that, that, and then people are like, well, it's gonna, it's a gateway, it's not a. They said, man, we go experience that, come back and that's not something you ever want to do again. You know, because it just, it brought you to this. You know, to the, the clear mind, thought everything that you, you, uh, oh, look it up, man, we'll, we'll get more off this, yeah, yeah, yeah man, but it's crazy.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, so, so you. So you, eggs, alcohol, eggs, alcohol, weed, and this was all in your early 20s.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, man. And then that's kind of what delayed me joining the military. You know what I mean. I was torn, you know. I had my son, which you saw Boy, that's a big boy, that's a big old boy. Yeah, that's a big old boy, that's a big old boy, yeah, he's a big old boy. So me and his mom were back and forth, you know what I mean. And so when we were off that's when I wanted to join she never wanted to leave, yeah, so once we got back together, I pulled it back. So it was like a yin-yang, back and forth, back and forth. And she wasn't pregnant with him at the time. She had a. She had her first, you know which. I took him in his mind. You know I'm saying still, my baby, yeah and uh. So we had him for like four years prior to even having my son. So that was the back and forth thing that we had. Finally, we it was a heartbreak that we had and I made my mind up. I said, bro, I gotta, you know what I'm saying. And I believe she was pregnant at the time. Matter of fact, I know she was. And so I had my son January 27, 2006. And after I had him.
Speaker 4:I had to do something. You know what I'm saying. You know I was still using, but I had to do something, you know. So I joined the military. I had to do something, you know so, joined the military and man, I'm going to tell you a little story, tell me my little break, man and I, in the course of me joining the military, man, I went to Panama City and just a kind of out before I left out you know, had a good time.
Speaker 4:You know how we do down there. Right, I come home and I was doing car stereo at the time, man and a good friend of mine, rodney, his wife had joined the Marines, she was doing very well. They just bought a house in Birmingham and he's like, bro man, I would love for you to come visit for the weekend. Very well, they just bought a house in Birmingham. He's like, bro man, I would love for you to come visit for the weekend. I'm like, yeah, barbecue da-da-da-da-da, we're going to hit Hooters da-da-da. Man, just come through, man. They've been asking for a while. I'm like you know what. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. We jump in the truck. Ronnie been drinking all day. You know what I'm saying. I think he had been on a couple other things and and, uh, I kind of took the wheel. I'm like, bro, you know.
Speaker 2:I mean you know the better of the two, if you will.
Speaker 4:You know, yeah, I'm better than you we both are up, you know, yeah, so we I hit the wheel, we had the brimham and his wife gets on the phone, bro, and she's just, you know, just just going off. Man, and it was just throwing the vibe off a little bit. He was like you know, we're gonna go to the house, we're gonna hear hooters. I'm like all right, cool, right. So we hear hooters and he gets the heck in there. Man, it's kind of crazy. Um, that, uh, that was that was pretty rough. Lee there hit taco bell, normal shit. Right two o'clock in the morning hit taco bell, boom, hit the house. We get to the house, bro, and they just had a newborn little boy.
Speaker 4:Man, just a little one so she hands me the baby and I'm playing with the little boy and they go at it, man, and uh, uh. Last thing, I know I hear man, you know john, you know John, you know help, help, help. And I'm like man. I mean what do I do? I mean I just walked in, I'm like I got this baby in my hand, what do I do? I think I found like a little a little a little carrot stain to put the baby in. I ran back and I helped that's what we do, right, get them off. I said hey, and I ran back and I helped that what we do, right, get them off. I said, hey, mama, get your stuff and go. And, uh, she leaves. I thought that was the end. Nah, that was the beginning.
Speaker 3:He turned on me, man, you know, just yelling me why'd you let it go?
Speaker 4:why'd you let it go? Why'd you let it go? We fought, we fought before um.
Speaker 4:I probably skipped some details, you, you know, because we fought, we fought, we fought, and man, it was at the end. Man, you know how you got a kid when the house is quiet? And you got a kid. What are you doing? Right? And it was just an awkward silence, man, no answer, no answer. And I go to the back, I cut the corner. Yeah, yeah, and I just it was just an awkward silence, man, that's all. No answer, no answer. Not go to the back, I cut the corner. If I've never seen the devil, bro, it was. I mean, it was all it was on.
Speaker 4:Uh, finally somebody overheard it. Man called the police or whatever, I hear sheriff, I'm like thank god, thank god. So I come out from behind a man and and he's just passed out asleep. You know, I'm like hell, yeah, finally. So I go to the door and I tell the sheriff. I said he said, man, what's going on? I told him everything's going on. He said where is he? By the side of the couch. I flipped backwards, man, um. So I said he's on the back side of the couch. He's done past that, all right, let's go check on him. So we go around the couch. He's about to color your shirt.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, done. So I'm like man, what can I do? He won't let me do anything. That I'm like what? And I'm losing it. Man, I'm whatever I call his wife and I'm like, hey, come back, she comes back by this time. I'm in the back of the damn cop car, right. So I'm looking through the window like what and whatever I call his wife and I'm like, hey, come back, she comes back by this time. I'm in the back of the damn cop car, right. So I'm looking through the window like what the hell is going on. I just see people running in.
Speaker 4:I get to Birmingham and talk to the investigator guy. Man, he leaves and he comes back, and I could hear the wife was in the other room and it was almost like they told us the story at the same time. You know, he was like man, he didn't make it and I just screamed and I'm like, oh, I just, I just lost it. I was lost. I could hear her screaming and he kind of just dropped his head, bro, and he was like man. You know, john, I gotta, gotta take you to prison for murder, man. And I'm like what?
Speaker 3:are you saying yeah, you know what I'm saying. What are you?
Speaker 4:saying he takes me downstairs, man, and this is the same jail as First 48, birmingham right, they don't play bro, so I'm in line. I call my dad at like 3 in the morning and his wife answers.
Speaker 4:She said John was wrong and I, you know, she passed the phone to him and he just keeps asking me, man, what's going on? I said what's going on? What's going on? I couldn't tell him, bro. I couldn't tell him, Like you know what I'm saying, this man gave me his whole life. Man, you know what I'm saying, mom, I'll be okay and I said Dad you're just not going to see me for a while.
Speaker 4:Man, he was like what happened? I mean just prying, prying, prying, prying, prying. And I told him. I said, dad, I'm about to process here in Birmingham for a murder. He's a pastor man. He just fuck, he just you know. And I could tell that it was a letdown because of something that my mom had asked him. You know, make sure my baby would be okay.
Speaker 2:Right, right right.
Speaker 4:So I, yeah. So I said, Dad, they want the house man. He said that ain't going to work, son, that ain't going to work. I said, dad, that's what they want. They don't want anything else. He said let me tell you something. The truth will set you free yeah.
Speaker 4:I told my dad. I looked to my left and looked to my right. I said dad, the truth ain't in here, man. He said, yes, it is. I said no, it's not dad. The truth ain't in here, dad, I'm telling you, I'm standing in here, I'm in line, I'm listening to these guys talk. The truth is not in here dad.
Speaker 4:He said so, yes, it is the truth is in there, the truth that the, the, the god is in there and the truth is that you free. Finally, I said, okay, bro, I get off the phone with him. I walk from about here to that wall, the end process. I go to grab the paper and the lady puts her hand on top of mine and she starts praying.
Speaker 4:Bro, another lady behind her heard her praying, came behind, grabbed her hand, started praying. Another lady started praying and it was like a prayer chain. As soon as I got off the phone and after that was done, I had a process and I go to another lady pulling me out the line and she says hey, I need you to go over here. There's a gentleman who wants to talk to you. I go over there and I talk to the guy and he said hey, man, I'm going to put you in, I'm going to put you in psych ward, okay, and I'm like all right, cool, and I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm claustrophobic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm thinking you familiar.
Speaker 4:I'm like no, no, no, I'm wiping my tears, I'm wiping my tears, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. He's like no, and he says no. And he kept just nicely saying no, no, no, that's where you're going to go. So, man, I go to psych ward, right, no clothes, nothing, man, just up there, and I had this little window I could look out of every day, and I could look out the window, and sometimes I could see the cars that were leaving and going to work around about the same time. You know what I'm saying Back and forth, and all I could think about was you know, man, how quick your life can be over? Who wouldn't go to a barbecue if they?
Speaker 2:were invited.
Speaker 4:Free food, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, I'm game. Who's cooking? Yeah, yeah, right, yeah, I'm game. Who's cooking Right?
Speaker 4:Who wouldn't go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like and I'm here, my life is over with. You know what I'm saying? It's overdone. So I'm speaking to people coming this and the third every day, and doctors and nurses or whatever it was that came through and after a couple of days, man, I just accepted that I was never going to go right. Or one day my intercom thing goes off and I said, hey, there's somebody here that wants to speak to you and you know they had to bring my clothes and stuff like that. So I brought my clothes and I'm thinking it's another doctor, whatever, and so I put on whatever they gave me and I walk out and it's the same detective right, but it's the detective and his partner. We go to a room a little smaller than this and he says, hey, just go over to the store, we just need to hear the story. And I told him the story and after I told him the story, he said go home fuck out of here like that.
Speaker 2:I said what, so I'm you want me to, you gotta tell me twice hey.
Speaker 4:I ought to be gone. You see your dad's downstairs waiting. Man, good dude, you know. I walked down my son is just an infant bro. You know what I'm saying. Just a little Post bail, or Bro? I never had a court date.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:I never had a probation date, I never had parole. I never nothing, man, nothing, walked out. You can't tell me that ain't a God, bro. That's craziness. You can't tell me that ain't a God.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:So my son was down there, my son's mom and my dad, and we took off Now. Mind you, I was halfway through joining the military, yeah Right.
Speaker 3:You ever?
Speaker 4:shared this story before A halfway through joining the military. Yeah Right, you ever shared this story before A couple of times yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah. So I'm halfway through joining the military, right Walk into the recruiter's office. He's like, bro, where you been? Well, what happened? So I tell him he's like all right, he just trooped with it's like all right, he just trooped with it. Man, all right, all right, cool, Okay. So they reach out to Birmingham, the detectives. He had them write up a memo, man, and then had to go all the way up to a four-star yeah.
Speaker 4:Right. Four-star kicked it back and was like yo, yo, you gotta take this last blurb off right, because the military taking me in means they're taking, they're owning what I did prior right right, right. So he was like man. I don't know if they're going to take it off. And the last sentence pertained to something about um, because there was no statute of limitations. Right, right, so oh yeah, yeah, you know what I mean, yeah.
Speaker 4:So he's like, well, let's try, let's try, let's try, let's try. So we shouted up there to him dude, took it off, took the paperwork, sent it back, went to maps. I was there for like a minute, bro, you know, because it, you know like the process, or what have you and uh, I got in.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying, and it, it was life changing, bro, and and I don't think there's too many people, bro, that are wearing these clothes that I can say that they were charged with. That man and I never had a court date. I never had a I date, I never had a another. That was never on parole. Yeah, and, and so I took off with the military career from there, man, and I did very well, um, but do you ever keep contact with that detective? No, I never did. I think he's. I'm almost positive. He's one of the detectives on the first 48.
Speaker 3:Get the fuck out of here.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, get the fuck out of here. I'm going to tell you right now, when you're in that room you cannot lie. I wouldn't.
Speaker 2:No, you can't lie. I tell you I've done some lying in my day. But yeah, I see that in my day.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was rough Like going up in the elevator. There was two dudes in there with me, right, sheriff, in the elevator, these two motherfuckers were arguing about who shot the last one. No, dude, I shot the last one. No, dude, I shot the last one. No, you didn't, I'm the one I shot him. Remember? You shot the guy before that. I'm like oh bro, I'm not gonna make it so fast forward. That guy overheard me talking to my dad and he and the prayer chain. He knew I wasn't gonna make it upstairs, you know. So he pulled me to the side to save my life. You know I'm saying, and and let me not go into general pop he put me in a psych ward by myself. I didn't know it then. That's why he wouldn't let me. When I said that, when I thought I was gonna do this, he went here and he was like no man, yeah, yeah, yeah, you where you gonna go, you know what I'm saying. And uh and uh yeah that's crazy, yeah and uh.
Speaker 2:So oh, I got. I got a lot of questions so so your military career. You went into the military and you did the damn thing. Yeah, so were you stationed, just stayed in the States.
Speaker 4:No, germany first.
Speaker 2:duty Fort Benning first duty yeah Before Stuart when.
Speaker 4:Oh, fort Stuart, Hold on.
Speaker 2:That would have been 10 through 14 maybe yeah sweet dog face soldiers, dog face baby man. I went to Iraq that was my first duty station oh really. I went to Iraq with them the first couple times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker 4:So three, I did, yeah, I did, I did. So you remember, you remember building one yeah, yeah, yeah so I was, I was the. I did so. You remember, you remember building one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I was, I was the. I was the, the exec admin for the post commander and the post army.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 4:Yeah, interview for like a bunch of punching cats, interview man, and I got picked. You know what? I'm saying, and I was like real close to becoming the voice of the mark, yeah yeah so, yeah, I was in command man a lot of the time that I deployed with those guys, um and then, uh, that's where I met my wife yeah, where at afghanistan? No shit, yeah, so I was the ncic.
Speaker 4:I'm 85 down there so I was the ncic of the cat card office and uh, she came in sitting in the in the lobby whatever get their id card and uh and uh, normally I didn't because I'm in the show, I see I know I don't go out and grab people, but we have to be busy that day. So I was helping the soldiers out when I grabbed a clipboard and I did a quick scan and I seen her down on the end on the left resting face from hell. I'm like I like it, you know. So I skipped everybody and called her up too and man, we talked and if you know Jess, you know she's not real, yeah. So I'm like.
Speaker 4:I tried to give her an Oreo. She pushed it back. Damn, she wasn't even taking an Oreo. You know what I mean. But I did write my number down on a. You don't have to look when you get a debit card. A little sleepy, but yeah, yeah, yeah, number down on there and then you know calling later. We had a couple of times and then hit it off. Man, that's crazy.
Speaker 2:You ever thought you'd meet somebody in Afghanistan. No, no, that's how you say it out loud.
Speaker 4:Well, you know what they say if you man what you meet in the sandbox, you gotta leave it in the sandbox, bro, like you.
Speaker 2:Hey, bro, yeah, no comment. Yeah, yeah, nah, man, oh, that's crazy though man yeah, so, so afghanistan, you came back and uh, y'all just continued to talk, yeah never, never broke um never, uh, just never lost communication.
Speaker 4:There was some hiccups, bad mistakes that I made yeah, yeah, you know what?
Speaker 4:I'm saying, uh, you know. They say uh, uh, you really don't know the. You got to go through the bad relationships in order to get to the right one. You know what I'm saying. Yes, I wish they had told me that. Yeah, so I, I made a mistake and got into a, uh, a really really, really bad relationship. You know what I'm saying? And uh, that's why, like, if you, well, you and I were talking man, um, you know, um, the, the woman we choose, the woman we choose, determines our tomorrow. Yeah, man, and I will always stand on that and I will, I will never sway from that man, um, and that girl, she's, she's, she's been my rock. I mean, uh, uh, when I don't want to, I don't want to be here anymore. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:She jumped on a plane from.
Speaker 4:Cali, she said just hold on Hold on baby, hold on, hold on and she jumped on a plane man that day and flew from Cali all the way to 3ID.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:And just took me to a hotel room in Atlanta and just talked all weekend. Took me to a hotel room in Atlanta and just talked all weekend. And, bro, just you know, like a man, being able to be vulnerable and open to his woman is critical. Yeah, it's a critical man. A lot of us have been lied to and told that a man that cries is a weak man. It's not true. The one that can't voice is the weak man. Yeah, the one that can't cry is the weak man. Real men cry and you know the vulnerability part of crying man. Imagine being that vulnerable to someone that doesn't reciprocate it, that tells you you know, quit crying, you know what I mean, or you know, and it forces you to re-bottle all that stuff in and the person I'm talking about is the person we chose, you know, because I believe the home and the woman is our sanction.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dang, yeah, she's always been one of my favorites man. You know what I mean. She's always been that quiet person, that real chill, but she's good people. I've been in love with her whole family since I was a kid, you know what I mean. And all amazing people. That's crazy, though. It's just the way things come to life, and or you know? Uh, yeah, I hate too many love stories. I start off with I met her in afghanistan. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying did we tell you to leave that shit in the sandbox?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's crazy though, man. Man, that's amazing. When did you get out?
Speaker 4:2016. Why did you get out? It was a MEB. There was some stuff mixed into it. Did you see the change?
Speaker 2:The change, the military change.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I didn't, I ain't gonna lie man, I made it to Staff Sergeant. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't, I ain't gonna lie man, I made it to staff. Sorry, and I didn't really like the political part of it. Yeah, it was changing. Five was okay, six. You know you're in the command of staff with lieutenant colonels and perverts, stuff like that, which the right never scared me. It's the people that hold it. You know what what I'm saying? So no, I did not like the change at all. No, man, I just didn't.
Speaker 2:You get a little man in a big position and he forgets about it. Yeah, yeah. He let this yeah, he let this.
Speaker 4:Uh-huh, he can proceed with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying perceived it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying. No, I mean I can't. I said it a couple times, man, like, don't let this rain fool you, bro, I'm a man. First I'll smack the shit out of you, we'll both go to jail, quit, yeah, yeah, man, yeah. So in 16, you got out and did you notice a culture like a culture change as well? Because I know I got out in 15. Yeah, 15. Did I get out? Yeah, 15. Out of Fort Hood. I retired out of Fort Hood and it was a change, man. It was a change. A lot of my feelings hurt, all this other bullshit, and it wasn't like that. When you know, in 05, or when we first were going into the military, yeah, did you see a lot of that?
Speaker 4:A lot of change in the military.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, big change, man. I'm sure you held the NCO rank right a couple times. Yeah, it's a different podcast. Yeah, man, I did. It was like you know me and a couple ncos used to talk and it almost felt like we were powerless. Man, we were powerless to the private.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, bro.
Speaker 4:The private. In all actuality, the private had more pull than we did. Man, you did yeah.
Speaker 2:Quick to run jump on the chain. Call everybody, skip the chain. Yeah, call everybody in their moment. Yeah, skip the chain, bro. Yeah, not patient advocate. Yeah, uh, was it not? Was it not patient advocate? What was it that advocacy?
Speaker 4:uh, uh, uh, uh uh uh. I know asap uh uh I can't.
Speaker 2:I can't think of it right now, but you know what I'm talking about yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:So, uh, man, it was is just, it was a lot, it was a lot different, man. I know when, uh, uh, you know, when I was getting close to getting out and they were like, well, we can do this, do this. And you know, you couldn't smoke soldiers, no more. You couldn't do that little thing because I was in, uh, where was I? I was in el paso when they started my board and, uh, and then they were like, you know just, I just noticed so much changing. I was like, nah, I can man up, we're good, we got it, you know. So I got uh stationed to fort hood and then, uh, I did about a year and some change there and I was just like saint james, yeah, yeah, I was like, let me go ahead and uh start this med boy process yeah, yeah yeah, I said I need to do what was best for for me.
Speaker 2:not knowing, though, man, I just I, I wasn't ready, but I wasn't ready to get out. To get out, yeah, I didn't know what, um, I just saw getting out, I didn't, I didn't know I, I wasn't prepared, I didn't have anything figured out, I didn't know what I was going to do after that. I didn't know that the effect it was going to have on me mentally as well as you know what I'm saying. Like, I just didn't, I wasn't prepared at all, and all those classes they make you take all that you know what is it?
Speaker 2:ACAP yeah yeah, I didn't pay attention to that.
Speaker 3:Nope, I just wanted to get out man.
Speaker 2:Hey, sign this thing. Put the stamp there, let me go. I didn't pay no attention and I wish I did, but I didn't. So you getting out coming home in 16? Yeah, what was life like? Did you know what you wanted to do?
Speaker 4:No, so same Rough, yeah, rough, it was rough, it was hard, man, it really was, because I didn't, you know, I, you know it, it. You know how sometimes you can find out too much at one time. Oh yeah, something can happen and it just all falls on you at one time. That's what happened when I got out, man, it was, you know, I found out some stuff that took place in my home growing up that that impacted me tremendously, man, um, and then the military getting out, uh, choosing the wrong individual, um, then you put uh substance abuse on top of that yeah and uh, but, but, but, but no, I wasn't ready, man.
Speaker 4:I uh, man, my drive was there. I was always my drive. The military drive was always there. You know I did the. You know, I don't know if you had it, but before you could get your CDLs, or you were still in uniform, you had to take a little bit of your GI. So I did that, I did the troops transportation. That's what it was. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So when I got out I did that. That sounds familiar.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I did that and I did okay with it, but my mind, man, my mind wasn't right. You know what I'm saying, mm-hmm, and you know I didn't know, like you said, I didn't pay attention to those briefings, man about like ACAB and stuff like that and mental health services that. Come on, man, just let me get out of here.
Speaker 2:Let me roll, let me roll, let me roll. I didn't think it was necessary. You know what I mean. I didn't think I thought, hey, I'm good, and then getting out of the military and then going back home and just be like man, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm the same one. Yeah, you motherfuckers are crazy. You know what I'm saying, but but I'm good, that was. That was what I always thought.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and that's and that's. That's funny how you bring that up. I, when I was in that was to it when I got to benning, but that's when it got rough. You know what I'm saying. It's like um, uh, I went to mental health at benning man, probably three four times with the eisenhower, inpatient man, no joke, you know.
Speaker 4:And uh, at Benning, um, I mean, I mean, I'm sorry. Yeah, at Benning, um, it's, you're in, you're a psych ward Like. You're in there with skits, you're in there with, um, sociopaths, split personalities, you're in there with everybody. Yeah, so it was like. It was like, uh, it was a blessing, but it wasn't at the same time, because I wasn't that fucked up, right? You know what I'm saying. Like, oh, y'all are fucked up, you crazy. Yeah, so when I walk, so at the end of my 30, 45, I go downstairs, I'm looking up like yo, them motherfuckers. Yeah, right.
Speaker 4:So it really didn't do me a good service, right, because I'm in there on a level of treatment that I'm, you know, I'm not skits, I'm not, I'm not one of them, I don't, I don't. You know, we found my up in the ceilings. We found dudes. That man it was one soldier came in and and and it was a great experience, man, because I didn't, I really slept on mental health up until then. Um, I uh, you know, growing up with my dad, man, I didn't, I didn't, uh, um, mental health wasn't allowed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what?
Speaker 4:I'm saying suck that shit up bro you know what?
Speaker 4:I'm saying what you know and, and it just wasn't so, being on the floor, man on the war with these dudes that come in, that are just done, and I'm like, oh, and I'm sleeping beside this guy every night and, uh, once, once, once, you know, after a few times of me going, man, it was, um, it was really eye-opening man with the whole mental health thing and how critical and how real that is. It is real, bro, um, so, uh, uh, um, uh, you know, and, and, and, and, and many people, as you know.
Speaker 4:I say you know, I say there's nothing wrong with falling five times as long as you get up sick and so I kept going, I kept going and I kept going and, uh, the problem was was my home was a lot of the reason why you know what I'm saying, what that's why I say about a man in his home and the woman he chooses. I was getting all this great therapy, I was getting all this great treatment, I was getting all this variety, but I was going home to the problem, you know what I'm saying, saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I pick up again, go back. So it became a cycle, you know.
Speaker 4:But yeah man mental health is real bro. It is it's real?
Speaker 2:Man. One of my favorite things is always to say man is, it's okay not to be okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and mental health, I feel like in the last few years, has come out and it's talked about more, which is good, which is a great thing actually, because more light has come to it. It is, you know, the same thing with addiction. I feel like addiction has come to light where you know people see it, where you know people see it. And, uh, when people thought of an addict, they would always think of the worst type of addict, not the.
Speaker 2:You know the, the addicts that are. I mean, of course there's all kinds of that, but you know what I'm saying like, uh, you know, it's just, it's just, um, what was in your road to recovery, what was? Did you have an oh shit moment?
Speaker 4:Yep February 8th 2022. Yep February 8th 2022. Yep February 8th 2022.
Speaker 2:It's up to you.
Speaker 4:You don't have to share. It's all good. I'm just trying to figure out how we're to pin this man. There's an old friend of mine man, he worked at Building One with me and 3ID and I called him the week before and he didn't answer. But he kept calling back. He knew something was up. He kept calling. I wouldn't answer the phone Following the weekend. You know what I'm saying. The weekend's gone. You know, on February 8th I called him and, uh, you know, man, I'm brand?
Speaker 4:now I don't know, I'm just tired, bro, timing, tired of hurting people, tired of hurting myself, just tired of it. I become a, an evil person, man, I'm becoming mean man, you know. And uh, his reply was this uh, stan song lego danny leggins his name. And uh, he said you need help, you need help. And I said, uh, okay, he can't be sure, I can't be sure. Okay, so, let's get you some help. Okay, so, let's get you some, yeah. So, uh, we get on the phone with the va, and you already know, right. And I'm like I need to go be somewhere. Whatever, right, va, yeah, that was, it was, that was a.
Speaker 4:We got to get better with the va, bro, because there's a lot of veterans that are here that had that moment and they couldn't reach anybody, they couldn't get to a room, they couldn't get anywhere. You know what I'm saying. And uh, so I go to the local hospital. Hospital, bro, I'm sitting in the hospital. I'm like I, because I gotta stay sober until I get into this facility, I can't go back, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't go to this hospital. I'm sitting in there for like 13, 14 hours. I finally get up and I'm like, hey, when are y'all going to have a bed for me, anything whatever it's va called, and they're like um, who are you? I wouldn't even know the roster.
Speaker 4:Get the out of here wasn't even on the roster, I lose it, I leave. You know I call my wife girlfriend at the time. You know, at this point she's scared of me. You feel me rightfully so. You know, unpredictable man. You know, at this point she's scared of me. You feel me Rightfully so.
Speaker 3:You know, unpredictable man.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying. And so I didn't have anywhere to go, bro, but I knew I couldn't get high again.
Speaker 3:I knew I couldn't drink.
Speaker 4:That's all I knew, that's all I knew. I just couldn't get high, couldn't drink, fall to fall to fall to fall to fall. And I finally got the VA to get me in. Man, and so at this time, me and the wife, we weren't talking, you know, and I'm on the phone with the VA lady and she's like, do you have anybody that can take me in? I'm like I'm just going to do this myself. She said you don't have a girlfriend. I said yeah butzy if.
Speaker 4:I could come by and just say something. She said, okay, come by. So, on the way there is, when I was on the phone with the V-Lady and I think Jaz overheard me say Jaz overheard me say you know she won't take me. And Jaz looked up and said yes, I will.
Speaker 4:She took our running man and went and got her keys and she drove me up. It was cold, man. It was cold when I got there and the door was locked, of course, to the treatment facility and she stood out there with me. You know what I'm saying. About an hour, bro, until they finally came, I locked the door and gave each other a kiss and I went home you know what I'm saying and I didn't know what was going to come of that. I didn't know what was going to be the end-all outcome, you know, but I couldn't worry about that. I had to worry about me. That's what my buddy, danny Leggett, said on the phone.
Speaker 4:He said, man, listen, because I started to talk about jazz you know, and he said once you fix you room, everything else will fall into place and once again I said okay. So I went, I did 45 days and I ran. I got up to like a mile and a half. Blood work really went all that great. You, you know what I'm saying. Enzymes were a little high in the liver, you know what I'm saying. But I went on a straight fruit and vegetable diet. Water, that's it. No meat, no, nothing. Got my results back. I did it again.
Speaker 4:The lady was like what did you do? Like you're like below normal and I told of what I did. But I came out and I didn't look bad bro, but what happened to you when I got out? I had failed out of school twice Me too.
Speaker 2:What, yeah, get out. I'm in school right now. Get out.
Speaker 4:Man, we got the same damn story. So I'm trying to be an addict but productive at the same time Me too. It doesn't work.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it doesn't work I tried it this way, I tried it that way.
Speaker 4:I tried it this way and it didn't work. Yeah, so I called New York and Hamburg man, this is my military advisor at the college and I'm like I'm back, you know. You know she's about the sweetest damn lady bro. Yeah, roll me back in. If we get back in, I get back in school. It's crazy, man.
Speaker 4:And um I, they started a new program at this college and it was like for boeing and this and the third, what have you internship, right? And I'm like she said you want to go to. And I'm like, yeah, I'll do it, you know, so I go to the interview, bro, go to. And I'm like, yeah, I'll do it, you know. So I go to the interview, bro. Go in, these huge fortune 500 companies are there. I do the interview, I walk out and, uh, this is a few months after I got sober, right, I walk out and I see one of the hr ladies in the parking lot and I said how do I do this? And I see one of the HR ladies in the parking lot and I said how do I do? She said are you serious? You know, so much stuff is bad happening to you like when something good is happening.
Speaker 4:You're like, man, this can't be real, right, right, right. She said they're in there fighting over you right now and I'm like get out of here, bro. Within two weeks I got a Boeing called and they said not only I know you interviewed for an internship, right, part-time-time, $16 an hour, right, but I want to offer you a full-time job.
Speaker 4:Not only do I want to offer you a full-time job, I want to offer you a job as a manager, six figures. So when I say, like God, put it on me quick, right, I can't believe this. She says check your email, let's see how much those numbers look, right. I look at the numbers and I'm like huh, you know, you know, it's like playing poker.
Speaker 2:Right, you can't be too anxious.
Speaker 4:You know, I'm like, let me see, let me sleep so yeah, so, um, so yeah, so yeah, that happened, bro. And then I graduated while I was at Boeing. I'm a mechanical engineer by trade and so, but the walk at Boeing was insane right. Getting there there was a little lady named Miss Connie. We all know that lady at work At six in the morning, hey bro hey.
Speaker 4:All day long, right. So I catch this little lady coming down the stairs one day and she stopped me. She said I know you're here, You're the new manager, or whatever.
Speaker 3:I just want to let you know that that's not why you're here.
Speaker 4:She said you're here, you're the new manager, or whatever. I just want to let you know that that's not why you're here. She said you're here to tell your story, you're here, to help a few people. I said really Lord told me to tell you that man and the amount of people that I helped at that place.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:My favorite one is a 27-year-old man. I told the story to a good friend of mine, project manager way up there, been with Ball forever. Just told my story. One day, six months later, we're in a conversation and he says because of something you said first time he said it. I didn't catch it. Second time he said it. I said huh. He said you remember you told me that story about you and your sobriety and your addiction. I said yes, sir. He said I was on the way out of a 27-year marriage. My wife had put me out. I was sleeping in a camper when he told me that story. Man, you know what I'm saying. This one of the regular employees, this guy's up there, you know yeah.
Speaker 4:And he said that's how bad my addiction was. And he said your story inspired me, inspired and I'm gonna show you how much. And he opens up an app and does like this right, and the app is a running clock and I'm like what is that? He said that's how many days I've been sober because of you, damn. And he just celebrated a year. You know what I'm saying? Just celebrated a year. Not too long ago, wife took him back in. He's no longer in the camper and walking in the morning I see him in the tier meetings briefing executives and stuff and I say what's up, Tim? That thing's still rolling, man. You hold it up, Tim Grahl Jr. That's what's up, man.
Speaker 3:Rob Markman Jr.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying and that that man um helped quite a few people and I didn't really help him. I just told him my story, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I just told him my story. You know what he saw? Hope, wow, yeah man. Yeah, he saw a possibility. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I believe it. That's what it's about, man. It's about somebody needing to hear a message and then having somebody like me and you sitting on that side Like, oh man, it's not possible, it's not possible, and then seeing somebody like us like, oh shit, maybe it is possible. Yeah, you know what I mean. To have that little bit of belief is what is what's needed. Yeah, I'm five and a half years sober and clean, bro.
Speaker 4:That's something I never in my life thought I would say six years ago, somebody would have told you that you would have laughed at them in their face. Six years ago, somebody would have told you that you would have fucking laughed at them In their face bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then, yeah, as I was drinking, yeah, it just didn't, man, until then, I just didn't. You know, life has been freaking incredible, man. I've been blessed with so many opportunities and so many things. I've been blessed with so many amazing people in my life. I, uh, I've changed relationships, you know. I I've rebuilt bridges that I burnt. Um, well, I burnt them because of my addiction, you know what I mean, and it wasn't, it wasn't their fault, it wasn't. It was me thinking that I was right or done right or did right. And you know, it was just, um, I got to make a lot of changes, man. I got to, I got to to fix a lot of things. I got to be a, a father. You know, I was always a father, but I wasn't a father. There you go. You know what I'm saying. So it was just, it's just, uh, you know it's just.
Speaker 4:I got too. I don't happy. That's what's up here, that's what it's about. I'm happy, that's it. And outside of the bottom yeah, outside of the addiction, outside of and there is hope, there is hope. You give me hope, man. You know I'm saying talking to you and your story gave me, gives me hope. And um uh, uh, I'll tell you something. Man, my sponsor was, he was an bro. I got sober one time right before I. I got sober one time right before I made it three. I woke up, I quit eating meat, shut everything off, did man? I wrote and wrote and wrote for like a week, then leave the house. Bro Got sober, was going strong six months, relapsed, went to my sponsor. He said what happened. I told him.
Speaker 3:I said, man, I was sober, I was doing this changed my habit, changed my eating.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying? I was pescatarian, da-da-da-da-da. He said that's why you relapsed. I said what the fuck are you talking about, man? Ain't that the fucking point? What are you?
Speaker 3:Huh.
Speaker 4:He said huh. He said you think your sobriety is for you, it's not for you. God pulled you out of the fire and you just walked away. You didn't look back, you didn't reach back, but you took the brother back there burning man. But you took the gift that he gave you and you held it selfishly to yourself so he had to let you go back out there and figure it out again, man.
Speaker 2:I said bro, huh yeah. I said yeah.
Speaker 4:He said you didn't tell your story. How many times you tell your story? I said nine. He said you didn't tell your story. I said no. He said you didn't tell your story. I said no. He said no. He said no.
Speaker 3:He said no selfish and I'm like this dude is beating me to fuck up.
Speaker 2:I'm already feeling bad.
Speaker 4:I'm like damn bro, I'm like damn but the dude was right and minding your walk and what he took us through and brought us out of, he knew we were going to come out. You know what I'm saying. And the only reason he brought us through so we could reach back, you know, hand sticking out of the fire.
Speaker 2:I say that when people tell me, like, what is something that defines you, what is something that you think of when you think of your life, I think of you. Know, there's a guy, he's on a, he's on, he's climbing a rock, he's climbing a mountain and he's at the top. And what does he do? He doesn't celebrate. He turns back to extend his hand to help the next person of course, yeah, you know and it's the old saying man, like it's I, and it's an old saying man, I mean, it's fun.
Speaker 2:Well, this saying is used in different terms, but it ain't no fun. The homies can't get some, but that's a different. You know what I'm talking about. But I like, yeah, yeah, but that's one thing I like to say.
Speaker 4:If you're out there and I skipped your rotation, man, I'm sorry but it's true. And guess what, bro, isn't it crazy that the only person that can reach a fucking addict is a fucking?
Speaker 2:addict, 100%, 100%.
Speaker 3:The only person that can spot an addict is another fucking addict is a fucking addict. 100, 100, the only.
Speaker 2:Thing that can spot an addict is another fucking addict. It's like veterans spotting veterans. That's right.
Speaker 4:I'm no longer an addict in my body, but I wouldn't always be in there. You know what I'm saying. My mind will always. I would always have an addict mind you don't come out and I will. That's why we will always understand the current addict. We can me and you can reach an addict in about 45 seconds yeah, you can. You. You put that same dude with millions and millions of dollars of therapy. Yeah right, 300 people don't talk to him, but I, me and you can touch him.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:That's true, man.
Speaker 2:It's like going to counseling and and listening to somebody that has all the degrees in the world, but you ain't never experienced it. If you ain't experienced it, I ain't hearing shit. That's right.
Speaker 4:I made a Facebook post one time and it said it'd be a cold day in hell when I take marriage advice from somewhere that's never went through it. Oh man, you got to tell me something you got to tell. You got to tell me how you lost it and got it all back yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying yeah yeah, man, it's true, damn it's true, you know yeah you know, you know, you.
Speaker 2:You go to meetings.
Speaker 4:You still go to meetings that's crazy is I've been to one, yeah, one we went to a 410 shift and the fridays I was just kind of sitting around the house. I told her. I said I'm, I gotta do something. I'm gonna go to a meeting. I went, it was okay, um, but no, I, I, I, I hate to say that to the, to the guy that's that. Don't stop, man, don't stop going to a meeting. I just haven't been.
Speaker 2:There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 4:And I felt like my meetings were at work. You could do that. You know what I'm saying. My mission and my purpose has been at Longhorn. Yeah, it's been at Walmart and it's been, in passing, at a barbershop. You know what I'm saying. So, um, so no, to answer your question, I have not been to an actual aab and I've been to one you know, I uh, I uh.
Speaker 2:I go occasionally to just stick my head in um and this may sound fucked up, but just to find that humbleness again.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That thankfulness, that like oh shit, that was me yeah. You know what I mean and it's like that. I do it occasionally. When I need to, I try. I need to actually step in more. But can I ask you a question Do you believe that relapse is part of recovery?
Speaker 4:Yes, yeah, yes, mm-hmm, I believe. Yes, I do, and the reason I say that, through my walk, the reason I relapsed, was because he allowed me to relapse. I was trying to do it Jonathan's way.
Speaker 3:He already gave me the gear so let me let you See, I wasn't, I was trying to do it.
Speaker 4:Jonathan way, yeah, he already gave me the gear. So let me, let me, let me let you figure it out of you always and, since you can, since you got this, let you figure it out. And so I think that the relapse was allowed to happen to me in order to bring me back better Right, and I'm a firm believer in growth. It was in the form of loss right, so I needed to.
Speaker 2:I needed to lose my sobriety one more time in order to gain it back I know, yeah, I feel it, yeah, I feel it, yeah, yeah, uh, that's um man, ah shit, bro, you're just just hearing your story is fucking incredible. I mean, it's insane just to hear it, to just know everything that you've, uh, you've gone through. Well, now that you you've reached, you know, three years and and you keep pushing has, have you noticed the change in relationships? Have you noticed the, the change in you, your feeling, your outlook on life?
Speaker 4:Man, 100%, 100% man. You know, one thing I had to learn was there's getting sober. Learned was uh, um, there's getting sober and there's one part we always forget and that's learning to live sober. Because everything evolved around the addiction shooting pool, eating food, having sex, right, being in a relationship, saying I love you, right. All that evolved around the addiction. So I had to relearn all that, man. I had to relearn all that shit. I had to learn as, like a damn child, I had to learn how to love again. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. And like, bro was fucking boring, right, the excitement from the adrenaline rush from going and getting the product. Bro, it was fucking boring, right, the excitement from the adrenaline rush from going and getting the product to getting the liquor right, that was a rush, man, that was a high. I would get drunk before I even got to the liquor store.
Speaker 3:in my mind, you know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4:Before I could get to the plug I was already high, yeah, so chasing that rabbit, I had to learn how to live life without the rabbit there and um, it's. It's taken me every morning man to listen to motivational um therapy every morning. I do it every morning and it's uh, and and just learning to live sober and it's that's. I think that's the hardest part. Putting it down is pretty easy, but learning to live sober like people places things yeah, man, it it because that shit consumes your whole world.
Speaker 4:Yeah, it does. It does everything evolves around it. And um, and can I hit you another story? Go for it all, right, cool.
Speaker 4:So my uh and I'm sure some people are gonna know who this is um, my uh, my, my son's mom, uh, was a huge advocate in my sobriety. She helped a lot of people. Her name is Candace Rivers. She's very TikTok, famous and known all over the world for touching people, and it was a sobriety message All kinds. I had to send you some of her stuff. I think she had almost a million subscribers.
Speaker 4:Yeah, she was a loaded man, and so I call her and I tell her because I didn't tell anybody I was going to rehab. I called two people her and a good friend of mine, david so I call her and I tell her you know what I'm about to do. She says, john, I know you're going for 45 days and they have our programs that you know. I could have went up to Tennessee to a horse ranch for a whole year. The VA is awesome. You know what I'm saying. It's in place for us, it really is, but you also. I want you to go in this thinking that it's taking you this long? You've done this for this long. What makes you think it doesn't take you that long to get sober? You know what I'm saying, so don't ever forget that. And I said okay, and I went and I walked out. I haven't picked up and I haven't used since, but about I never really knew why I was sober. I don't know what February 8th was, man, I didn't know.
Speaker 4:I kind of hinted around, kind of hem-hauled around over the years, and man, about, oh man, about six, maybe seven months ago, my son's mom calls and she says I'm sick, like you said. You say yeah, she said I, I. They just did blood work on me and she said I thought it was kidney stones. I kind of waited around and, um, the doc says that my cancer is, is is just through the roof. So I'm going to get a second opinion. But I said okay, don't worry about it. She broke down, don't worry about it, worry about it, worry about it. You know it's hard through, it's all through. I got a second opinion, man, and uh, uh, within a few weeks my son called and said I'm taking mom to uab. You know her stomach was starting to swell or what have you, bro. I think she was gone, but rewind of finding out.
Speaker 4:Finding out, no shit personal trainer 20 years had her own gym known for personal fitness training, or what have you? That's all she does, that's all she ever did. And uh, I remember when she told me the second time that she was sick and pretty much her days were numbered, her and I damn near both said the same time that's why he got you sober, I said that's why he got me sober.
Speaker 4:She said that's why he got you sober. He got me sober because he couldn't change what he already wrote. All he could do was make it better. And I remember, with jazz, when we found out, we were in new orleans and I went back to the room and I cried and I was mad at him. I was mad, I said, because you know my senior year, I didn't have my mama. Man, why are you? Why are you? Why? Why the second time, piers, rose, piers. And he said, son, I can't change what I've already written, but what I can do is make it better and I can give him what you didn't have, and that's you. So that's why I pulled you out of the fire February 8th. I pulled you out.
Speaker 4:That way you had enough time to be a father, to learn to live sober, to get the relationship back to get everything in place before I called her home, so I gave you everything that he didn't have, and just to sit right beside me. I said okay alright, I mean, what can I say, you know? So I just been, you know, doing the best I can, you know, coming to Texas with my son man, he, you know, he said he can't remember the last time he opened a Christmas present, you know.
Speaker 4:so you know, he just lost his mom recently. You know and I don't want to sound fucked up but he's got me, man, and I'm sober, I'm fucking sober.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying and that man.
Speaker 4:February 8th is the reason why he pulled me out. I've been pulling all these other people out, but the real reason is for my son, Because he knew he was called home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a blessing, bro, yeah, fuck.
Speaker 4:Oh, man, yeah, same story he and I. And so what better person, right? Because nobody can tell that young man how he feels, other than the addict. I lost my mom at the same time. Son, I know, I know, you know what I'm saying. And there's no to have someone that can understand him and be his father. You know what I'm saying. And there's no to have someone that can understand him and be his father. You know what I'm saying At the same time, rock star, rock star. So sobriety, man, it's here with me, man, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Damn that's crazy. But but you know, you said it. Man guy works in mysterious ways. Yeah and um, uh, that's crazy. Uh, your son, how's he enjoying texas man loving?
Speaker 4:it? How's he doing? Uh, all I've been doing is kind of monitoring him, man. Just see, I know how he moves and I know how he works. I've just been watching him. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:It's been a little bit of a roll of the dice, right, because he's two hours away in the house that he grew up in with his mom. He's there by himself, he has his aunt and he has his girlfriend. That's always there, and I didn't want to pull him, man, from high school. I wanted him to graduate with his friends. So we just made a little deal. I said listen, man, I'm going to let you stay, I'll be home every other weekend. But if that gets a nudge, get a feeling, you start kind of teetering off. Or what have you coming to get you? Rewind? I said, up in, up in, yeah, I'm coming to get you. But the same way that I trusted you before I come get you, if the answer were to go south, the same way I trusted you prior to me coming getting, I need you to trust me when I say, son, let's go, yeah, let's go. And he said I'll give you that.
Speaker 2:So we just have this, you know, and, and so far, man, his grades have been straight A's just just hearing him talk and just like you know you get, he seems like he got a good head on his shoulders.
Speaker 4:His mom did the damn thing with him. Yeah, it's good. She did outstanding with my son, that's good.
Speaker 2:You can't miss your son in a room. I don't know if I can stand now.
Speaker 4:Holy, yeah, dude, he's right at six. He's at six-four now about 275.
Speaker 4:Yeah that 275 is fucking spread out Strongest shit man, but he's strong as shit. Yeah, he's strong, but just a gentle giant man, just a gentle giant. Bro Got him in therapy, though we did. It's crazy because going back about a month before she got sick we found out she got sick. I'm at work and we're talking on the phone and my son is very well aware of my mental PTSD and stuff like that. Before she got sick we found out she got sick.
Speaker 4:I'm at work and we're talking on the phone and you know, my son is very well aware of my mental PTSD and stuff like that. Right, I've been very transparent with him on my addiction, he knows. So we're on the phone one day and he said, uh. He said, uh, I brought up my mental health and stuff and me going to you know stuff like that. I brought up my mental health and stuff and me going to you know stuff like that. He said, dad, what is therapy and what will that make you do? And he called me off guard and I said it'll make you cry.
Speaker 3:He said really.
Speaker 4:I said, yes, sir, it'll make you cry, and we just kind of left it at that. No, we didn't. I said, uh, for you to ask that. I said, is that something that you would think about, maybe interested in, or something? You said, yeah, I'll give it a try. So at that point I had already I talked to his mom about getting him into therapy. Right, yeah, you know, because I thought that was a filler. You know what I'm saying. So, um, so we already had the therapy bar rolling prior to this, even though she was sick.
Speaker 4:A therapist that his mom knew grew up with, or what have you grabbed him about? She got about three or four sessions in with him before she passed and I never really asked him. I never really whatever his therapy sessions were. I didn't want to pry into that, right, right. So I'll just say how was your session today? You know what I'm saying. He set his alarms to go. He never missed the beat. I said so how was your sessions and stuff? And he said that was good. It's good because about the about the fourth or fifth one, I said I was how was therapy?
Speaker 4:he kind of paused and he said it made me cry I said that's how you know it's working man that's how you know it's working.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, whatever happened in that room, you were able to speak it out of you. You know what I'm saying. And those tears, it's a beautiful thing. I said, dad, when dad was in therapy Fort Benning, yeah, benning, it was a guy telling the story and he started crying. But the first thing somebody did was grab the box of tissue and the therapist said put it back. Put the tissue back. We're all looking like. She said each one of those tears is a memory and a story and we become so conditioned to wiping it away. Yes, right, let him fall, bro. When she said let him fall, you thought he was crying in waterfall and it was just. You could just see the feeling coming out of his eyes and, uh, so that's, that's what I told, that's that's, that's like the symbolic thing of the the when I said it'll make you cry, because that's how you know it's working.
Speaker 4:So, um, but but he's, uh, and I talked to my wife all the time, you know, do you see anything? Because as a father, right well, she's, she's my own too, but as a father, we kind of oversee, like, oh, he's fine, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I always ask my wife you know, baby, you you see, you see anything? She said no, she hasn't caught any red flags with him. I haven't. Um, he's moving in with us as soon as he graduates. He's already registered himself into uh university of alabama, but it's just an hospital under the cyber security program, jess has got him, uh, linked up with her company's owner and ceo.
Speaker 4:he heard the story of his mom, and so once jess told him the story of his mother and what his profession was because she works hand in hand with cyber security he said well, when that young man enrolls you, let me know and I'll have him intern with me while he's in school. What magic man, magic god's plan, and that's all through sobriety, yeah, and, and you know I'm just flowing man. You know, when I called my dad, I told him about my sobriety and he said, son, he's been wanting to get you but he couldn't. And I think you mentioned something about that earlier. And I said well, why?
Speaker 3:And he said because you had something in both your hands.
Speaker 4:How does a man give another man something and he's already holding something? You had to let go? He just been waiting for you to let go, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4:He been waiting for you to let go the hurt, the forgiveness, the bag that's on your back that you never were meant to carry. You know, the alcohol, the drug, right, all that was in your hand, how? And he said and if he would have blessed you holding that it would have killed you. Yeah, so you couldn't give it to him. That's why he worked so fast with you and you right me, and you, with our blessing, once we got sober, because that shit was piling up. It was piling up, man, we just didn't know it because you couldn't give it to him. Right, we would have tore it up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, pull it up 100% Quick, what yeah? So what you doing now?
Speaker 4:So, as we all know, boeing has airplanes flying out of the falling out of the damn skies, whatever. I think we just lost a plane in Japan today 180 passengers, god dang yeah, on a Boeing 737. All right, so we're. You know, everyone knows Boeing's just really not doing good, and you know. But the strike up in Washington. You know what happens after a strike, man, they come to a deal. It was a big deal, right? They got to shave the fat, right?
Speaker 4:I thought I was good because I was on the missile side. Well, I got, I got the axe you know what I'm saying. And, um, you know, I held my head up. I held my head up and I uh called my wife and my best friend, bro's rockstar bro, you know and I and I say uh, babe, uh, I said well. She said no. I said yeah, yeah, I said they got me. She said, well, what's for dinner? Just like this. We went and ate vietnamese thai food that night and came up with a plan. We had already been talking about me owning, or us owning, our own company, me being, I love driving big equipment tri-axle dump trucks, cement trucks, semis. I've done all those in the past and I've just always wanted to own my own. We've been talking about that for years, and I believe that God closed that door in order for me to open a new one, right? So I spoke it into truth, spoke it into truth and spoke it into truth long enough, but I didn't take the step to do it.
Speaker 4:I'm making six figures. Right, who walks away from six figures? Not too many people, not too many people. So he just kind of gave me a go. Yeah, that's how I took it. Yeah, so within a week of me getting laid off, man, I had I had my own truck um locals on the side, dlt mc um. And the day after I got the truck, um um, slow time in the wintertime, man for a dump truck is hard man. The guy bought the truck from super nice guy. He called me about 30 minutes after we locked the deal and he said hey, what are you doing tomorrow? I said I ain't got no work. He said now you do. So I'm gonna plug you up, put me on the sand, run man making really really good money. Yeah, um, so that's what I do. I own my own trucking company now, man.
Speaker 4:What's it called Tin man, tin man Trucking, yeah, and got the little logo at the top Veteran Known and Operated.
Speaker 2:Based out of where?
Speaker 4:Huntsville, Alabama.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what's up. Man, how does it feel?
Speaker 4:Man, it feels good. It feels good to turn the key to something that's yours. Not only is it yours, it's um. I'm in control of my destiny and one thing that I've always said, man and it's a little harsh, you know I mean because the average person is working for someone if you don't build your dreams, someone will hire you to build theirs man, that's 100 that's the truth.
Speaker 4:That's the truth. It is the truth. If you don't have the courage and the faith to jump out there and do what you've always wanted to do, right, someone hire you. Yeah, man, the person that did jump will hire you. Yeah, you know. Hell, yeah, and that's. I don't think they're saying anything bad, but it's always rained with me, it's always stuck with me. You know, I post motivational quotes every morning, but and that's one of the ones that I kind of just hits me more than the normal and uh, so now I'm walking in that I'm walking in, building my dream, and my goal is to continue to preach the word, tell the word you know what I'm saying, my story and hopefully, one day, man be able to buy another truck, another truck and be able to say that I, me and my wife are providing for a family.
Speaker 4:Not building my dream but providing for a family right. What I what by me coming out of sobriety, fast forward five years now I'm able to help a family. Yeah, and we want to do it. You know, like trucking is a thankless job. It's one of those, it's just not. It's thankless. Like a 42 hour for HR, you know, that's one. We're only important until your leave gets screwed up or your pay is screwed up. That's when the S1 guy is good.
Speaker 2:I got truckers, man truckers, farmers. I think that's a profession that ain't going anywhere. It ain't yeah, it's always going to be there and it's always going to be an essential, yeah, yeah. So going to be there and it's always going to be an essential yeah, yeah. So I mean, yeah, damn, I mean that's exciting bro. Yeah, I would uh that I hate driving bro. I uh, I fucking fall asleep driving from here to the gas station. You, you know what I mean. But man, that's, that's amazing.
Speaker 4:A lot of people love it, you have to me and my wife talk about that all the time and it's people hear about the money that you make and you make a lot, especially when you own it, but there's so much that comes with it. You have to the CB hanging in the, what you call it, this weird shit that I love about that truck that the average person would look at you like. You know what I'm saying and and and it's just being in it loaded and coming off of a mountain on the jake break. I just bought some straight pipes the other day for you guys that's out there that know what I'm talking about. It's just the sound of the turbo. Music, bro. I haven't cut the radio on in that truck since I bought it. No shit, because I listen to the motor and I listen to the turbo. That's my music.
Speaker 2:That's my music. You found it. You found what you were looking for you found what you needed.
Speaker 3:That's dope man. Yeah, that's dope.
Speaker 2:Yeah, uh, man, I'm. I'm excited to see what next year holds for you, the the year after that. Man, I'm uh, now you got a friend and a fan bro, so I'm following. Thanks, you know what I mean. So keep keep sharing the message and and uh, and keep growing, man, you know what I mean. I appreciate you coming on the show, man. I appreciate you coming on the message and keep growing, man, you know what I mean. I appreciate you coming on the show, man. I appreciate you coming on the show and sharing your message. Hey, man, if anybody's following right now that wants to reach out to you, how do they do that?
Speaker 4:Ooh, you got me on the spot there. Email address maybe. Yeah, first name Jonathan J-O-H-N, not J-O-N, j-o-h-n-a-t-h-a-n dot. Last name, tenor T, as in Tom I-N-N-E-R at yahoocom Phone number's known.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you decide on that, yeah. I do, I get some funny calls, man, I didn't talk about that. Yeah, yeah, no. But, man, that's, how big are your feet? Yeah, yeah, man, fucking Vance bro.
Speaker 4:That's all I got to say is fucking Vance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker 4:Or if you know this guy, I mean reach out to him if you didn't get the email, or what have you. Yeah, just that, he's like you said, that's family man. Yeah, man, always man, it's been a pleasure and it's an honor, bro.
Speaker 2:Thank you for tuning in you guys. If you like share, subscribe. Be sure to man follow man, uh, share the message as always. Reach out to family and friends. It's the holiday season. If you're in a crisis, dial 988. You can also text 988 if you're a veteran, veteran press 1. Check on your friends and family. We love you guys, as always. Charlie, mike, bro, man, that's what's up. Man, that's what's up. How'd I do? Man, you did fucking amazing dude. You think so? Yeah, you know, we talked for almost two hours.
Speaker 3:This episode of Charlie Mike, the Podcast, is brought to you by Charlie Mike Military Apparel. Make sure you check them out at charliemikemilitaryapparelcom and use promo code charliemike for free shipping.
